


Eternal Flame

by logandeservedbetter



Series: Ruskie Business [1]
Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I'm really not entirely sure, angst and fluff?, eventually, fluff?, i don't really know yet - Freeform, love!, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23833645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/logandeservedbetter/pseuds/logandeservedbetter
Summary: "Love stinks. You can dress it up with sequins and shoulder pads but one way or another you're just gonna end up alone at the spring dance strapped into uncomfortable underwear." Logan finds Veronica at Total Eclipse of the Heart instead of Leo.LoVe AU from 1x15: "Ruskie Business" LoVe eventually? LoVe in chapter 2? Who knows? Not me. Yet. Title based on the song by The Bangles, chapter titles also based on 80s songs (all on my Ruskie Business playlist)We stan Deputy Leo, this is not against him in any way.
Relationships: Logan Echolls/Veronica Mars
Series: Ruskie Business [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717312
Comments: 27
Kudos: 19





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Every chapter is actually the chapter before it if that makes any sense. Chapter 2: I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who LoVes Me) is actually Chapter 1, because the prologue screws everything up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a prologue, Logan finds Veronica at Total Eclipse of the Heart and not Leo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a prologue (obviously) it's really, really short (sorry). Hopefully Chapter 1 will be up tomorrow. Logan finds Veronica at Total Eclipse of the Heart and not Leo. (I love Leo, according to Buzzfeed he's my soulmate, but I love Logan more and wanted to explore what I thought would happen. Enjoy!

_Love stinks. You can dress it up with sequins and shoulder pads but one way or another you’re just gonna end up alone at the spring dance strapped into uncomfortable underwear._

_I really thought I was over him. I desperately wanted to be. I just need to calm down so I can drive home. I hear someone knock on the window._

“Veronica, hey, what’s wrong?” 

_Logan._

“Logan, what are you doing here? Why are you being nice to me?” 

“You were nice to me first.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You didn’t slam the door in my face. I’ve been awful to you for over a year. Lilly died and then I just abandoned you and turned everyone against you. Why did you help me?” 

“You were hurting. You needed closure and you missed your mom. I get it.” 

“Let’s go dance, Veronica.” 

“Logan, no.” 

“Well then tell me why you’re out here crying.” 

“Fine.” 

_So, I unlocked the passenger door and he walked around and got in, waiting for me to explain._


	2. I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who LoVes Me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica tells Logan why she's alone crying in her car during Total Eclipse of the Heart.
> 
> Title based on Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)", of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, it's a short one, Chapter 2 should be out tomorrow, enjoy!

“What’s wrong, Veronica? What happened in there?” 

_Why did I unlock the door? Why did I put myself in a position to be vulnerable? To LOGAN ECHOLLS of all people!_

“Um, a few days ago, Meg asked me to find her secret admirer, so I did. I’m glad I did. She’s happy, so is he. But, Logan, it’s Duncan, and the worst part isn’t that he’s moved on, it’s that I thought I already had, and it’s made me realize that I haven’t. And I hate it. I hate it so much! I was so desperate to move on because I thought moving on from Duncan meant moving on from Lilly and moving on from you. I hate that I even need to move on from you. I mean you’re terrible to me! You hate me! Why can’t I just hate you back? Why is this my life? Why did I let it become this? Everything I care about has just crumbled around me and I don’t know how to put it all back together!” 

“I don’t hate you, Veronica.” 

He reaches over and cups my cheek, wiping away the tears I didn’t even realize had fallen. 

“I could never hate you. I hated myself, I blamed myself, I knew that if I didn’t have an outlet all of the hatred would destroy me, so I channeled it towards you. I picked you because it was easy. You were there, you caused Lilly and I’s break up, and I knew everyone would go along with it. I convinced myself that it was true, that you deserved it. But, Veronica, I know now that that didn’t make it okay. It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t deserve it, and it was wrong of me to turn everyone against you. I am so sorry, Veronica. I know that doesn’t make it okay. I know that can’t make it better, but, Veronica, please let me try to earn your forgiveness. I’ll be better, I promise, just give me some time to prove that I can be deserving of your friendship. Just give me a chance. Please.” 

“Okay,” I whispered. 

We sat in a relaxed silence for several minutes, pondering over the wounds we’d just revealed to each other, and the ones that remained a secret, Logan taking the occasional sip out of his flask. I reached over the console in a silent request, and he handed the flask over. I took a long, slow sip before speaking. 

“Let’s go dance.” 

  
•••  


All eyes were on Logan and I as we walked in next to each other. Whereas two years ago this would have been perfectly normal, Logan and I haven’t even been civil to each other in over a year, taking every opportunity to humiliate each other in the halls, so it was now decidedly not. Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who LoVes Me)” started playing right as we reached the center of the dance floor. Logan grabbed my hand and spun me around, then pulled me into a dip. I suddenly burst out laughing, louder and harder than I had since before Lilly died. I didn’t think I could become so comfortable around Logan Echolls again after less than an hour, and I didn’t realize I had. He pulled me up and we continued dancing, Logan’s face had broken out in a huge grin, and though my laughter had subsided, I was still giggling. Soon tears were streaming down my face, causing Logan to laugh. I hadn’t realized how much I missed him, but I’m glad I chose to give him a chance. Right now, at least. 


	3. Call Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Veronica navigate their new relationship.
> 
> Named after the Blondie song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is super short, and really just a filler, but I promise I'll make up for it with Chapter 4, if not in quantity than in quality.

School on Monday had gone surprisingly well. Logan clearly understood that I wasn’t ready to be best friends again just yet, and respected that. It was good, I didn’t have to explain it to him in the hallway in front of the entire school. It was as perfect as possible, really. He’d smiled and waved when he passed me in the hallway, he’d stood up for me against the other ‘09ers, and he’d said hi in the classes we shared and at lunch. And just because we weren’t best friends didn’t mean that was the only contact we had, after the dance we updated our contact information, and had started texting when the situation was appropriate. It was good. I’m still not entirely sure how much of Saturday night Logan meant or remembers, but based on the last two days, it’s enough. 

My phone buzzes. _“Hey.” It’s Logan._

_“Hey?”_

_Why’s he texting me in the middle of fifth period?_

_“This is good, right?”_

_Huh?_

_“Is what good? Are you drunk? High? ;)”_

_“I KNEW IT! But no, the way I’m acting, is it what you wanted? Friendly, but not overly friendly, and respecting of your boundaries?”_

_“Oh, yeah, totally.”_

_Why is he that worked up about this? It’s not a big deal, right? He has other friends, he doesn’t need me. So why does he seem so desperate to get it right?_


	4. Only You: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan shows up at Veronica's doorstep late Tuesday night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still short, I'm sorry, but YOU GUYS it's 783 words long! That's definitely improvement! The title of this one is based on the song "Only You" by Yazoo. I've hidden two and a half pop culture references in this chapter from multiple forms of media, so if you find any tell me in the comments! Chapter 5/Part 2 will be out soon! Enjoy!

_Dad’s out looking for a bail jumper in Mexico, so I’m having ice cream for dinner and watching “Gilmore Girls”. I still haven’t figured out why Logan cares so much about earning my trust. I’m not naïve, I know his life isn’t the perfect fairytale Aaron and the media have made it out to be. His mom was an alcoholic and committed suicide, his sister is a vicious, conceited trollop, and if what she said at the Sunset Regent on Saturday is true, his dad is worse than both of them, still, he has plenty of friends, why does him seem so desperate for me? As soon as I start to ponder the motives behind Logan’s actions, a knock at the door pulls me out of my thoughts, when I answer it, the thick stench of alcohol assaults my senses._

“Hey, ‘Ronica.” 

“God, Logan, you’re drunk.” 

“Veronica Mars, teen super sleuth, you can count on her to solve all the mysteries. Of course I’m drunk, there’s nothing else to do in this town except get murdered or arrested, and in case you haven’t noticed my life kind sucks. Why wouldn’t I be drunk?” 

“Ugh! Logan would you just get in the house already?” 

“As you wish.” 

_I watch Logan stumble in before closing the door behind him._

“Here, you can sit on the couch. You need to eat something, we’ve got crackers, Goldfish, Eggos, Poptarts, apples-- “ 

“Oh, Ronnie, I missed you.” 

“What?” I laugh, nervously, “Logan?” 

“You’re so beautiful.” 

“Logan, what are you talking about?” 

_He pulls me down next to him, both roughly and gently all at the same time._

“You, Veronica.” 

“Logan, you’re drunk.” 

“I’m not that drunk. I’m drunk enough to talk about my feelings, but not so drunk that I don’t mean it.” 

“What feelings, Logan? What are you talking about?” 

_I look at him nervously, it feels like he can see right through to my soul. My heart starts beating so rapidly that I’m sure hear can hear it, but he just keeps gazing at me._

“Surely you know, Veronica Mars. You have to know, You can’t not know.” 

“Know what, Logan.” 

_He’s still staring at me. He looks like he’s about to kiss me. What would I do if he did? I haven’t let myself think about how his lips would feel on mine in years. I didn’t think I even wanted it anymore. Do I?_

“That I’m in love with you.” 

_Oh._

“Logan, that’s ridiculous. You can’t love me. You definitely can’t be in love with me.” 

“Why not, Veronica?” 

“Because you hate me.” 

“I don’t hate you, Veronica. I told you the other night. I thought you believed me, please believe me.” 

“Okay, I believe that you don’t hate me, but I can’t believe that you love me.” 

“Why not, Veronica.” 

“Because you left me! I loved you, Logan! I _loved_ you, but you loved Lilly! I pretended I loved Duncan, because you loved Lilly, but it was you I loved. The whole time, I loved you. For THREE YEARS, Logan! I loved you for THREE YEARS, and now you’re here, saying you love me, after I finally learned to stop loving you. How am I supposed to feel, what am I supposed to say! And you’re DRUNK! You won’t even remember this in the morning!” 

“Yes, I will!” 

“HOW, LOGAN? How do you know that? You cannot possibly know that!” 

_I was standing up and screaming and crying. When did I start crying?_

“Veronica.” 

_And what am I supposed to do when he says my name like that? It makes me want to scream and cry and collapse into his arms and kiss him all at the same time. But he’s Logan Echolls and I’m Veronica Mars. And he loved_ Lilly. 

“Logan,” I whisper. 

_He’s standing up in front of me now. I look up to meet his eyes and just like that his lips are on mine. Just like I’ve dreamed of a thousand times, except it’s better, and it’s real._

_We keep kissing, I never want to stop. It feels like I’m drowning, but his arms are around me, keeping me safe above the deep, blue water. It feels like fireworks, cracking and fizzling out above our heads. It feels like standing in the middle of a burning building, the walls crashing in around us, but we’re invincible. But just as quickly as it started, it stops, but then I look into his eyes, and I’m safe again._

“I love you, Veronica, so much, “ he whispers. 

“I love you, too, Logan.” 

_Then his lips are back on mine, and all of my problems slip away, into the deep, blue water._


	5. Only You: Part 1.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only don't get too excited, it's not even a real chapter, it's important but I didn't like it with the previous chapter or the next chapter and my next update probably won't be until Friday, so. It's only 202 words but here it is:

_After about an hour I finally came to my senses._

“Logan, wait!” I exclaimed, breaking our kiss, “We have to talk about this.” 

“Why, Veronica? I love you, you love me, you’ve loved me for years, I’ve loved you for years, and now we can finally be together! What is there to talk about?” 

“Well first of all, you never told me that you’ve loved me for years until just now. Second of all, you treated me like a walking garbage can for over a year, and even though we talked about that on Saturday, things are different now, obviously, so I think we need to revisit that conversation. Third of all, I still don’t fully trust you, we can’t go from best friends to enemies to trying to maybe be friends again to whatever this is! You might be built that way but I’m not! And lastly, I’m your best friend’s ex girlfriend, even more complicated than that, you’re my dead best friend’s ex boyfriend! We can’t just not talk about all of that! But first I’m making us a real meal, because I haven’t eaten dinner yet, and you need to sober up.” 

“Yeah. Okay. What are you making?” 

“Lasagna.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know Veronica and Keith make lasagna from scratch, but I feel like they'd have some frozen on hand because he's gone so often.


	6. Only You: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Veronica have a very difficult, but very necessary, conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Anyone who's been following my updates on Tumblr knows (by the way I'm posting updates on Tumblr under the same username, so if you want to know what's going on with the story as far as when I'm uploading, etc. head over there) that this chapter took me WAAAYYY longer to write than I expected it to. However, what you don't know is that this is only half of what I originally intended to write. Originally, I wanted to have their entire conversation in this one chapter, but the more I wrote, the more I felt like I needed to break it up in some way. So, without further ado, I present Only You: Part 2 (of 3... I think), in all of it's 2,772 word glory. (WHHHHAAATTTTT!!! Are you proud of me? I'm proud of me!) Enjoy!!!
> 
> Oh also I realized I haven't written a single disclaimer this whole time so here it is: I don't own Veronica Mars, I don't own any of the characters in this fic and there are even pieces of the plot that I took from the show. Also the fic title and chapter titles are based of of titles of songs that I do not own. I only have like $5 right now so... *shrugs*
> 
> P.S. converting this to HTML was excruciatingly boring so you're welcome.
> 
> P.P.S. Love y'all, thanks, enjoy!

**7:38 pm**

_Logan comes to sit next to me at the island. The oven is preheating and there’s a pot of coffee brewing. All we do for the next hour is sit in an awkward silence, occasionally sipping our coffee, glancing at Backup, who’s laying at our feet, or taking bites of the lasagna. It’s 8:42 before either of us has the courage to break the silence._

“What did you think of me when you first met me?” _I ask, quietly._

  
•••  


**Logan’s POV**

_I’m sitting next to Duncan at Lilly’s soccer game, it’s June 2000 and the hot California sun is beating down on us._

“Come on, man, can’t we go sit in the shade?” _I whine._

“No,” _Duncan groans_ , “Lilly said we have to sit here and watch the whole time.” 

“But why?” _I continue, still whining,_ “We’ve seen her play like a thousand times!” 

“She wants you to meet Veronica.” 

_Veronica? He says this as if I should know who Veronica is. As if he’s mentioned her._

“Who’s Veronica?” 

“Lilly’s best friend.” 

_We’ve never discussed a Veronica._

“Oh, right, okay.” 

_After another 45 minutes, the game is finally over, Duncan waves Lilly over, and she comes strutting towards us with a shorter girl right next to her. Veronica. She has long, blonde pigtails that nearly reach her waist, she looks shy, and sweet, a stark contrast from Lilly’s confident sass. When they reach us I look at her, really look at her. She has the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, deep and dark like the ocean after a storm, but safe and kind, like the perfect waves to surf. I could get lost in them for hours. Suddenly, Lilly pulls me out of my thoughts._

“Hello? Logan? You in there?” 

_How long have I been staring at her?_

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just distracted, that’s all.” 

“Okay, well,” _Lilly’s looking at me like I just sprouted a second head,_ “Logan, this is Veronica.” 

_Veronica looks at me sweetly, but apprehensively,_ “Hi!” _she waves a little, then smiles._

“Hi,” _I smile back._

**Veronica’s POV**

“Lilly, where are we going? We’re supposed to go eat pizza with the team!” 

“Mom and Dad promised to take all of us out to pizza and ice cream. Besides, you have to meet Logan!” 

_Logan? Who’s Logan?_

“Come _on,_ Veronica Mars!” 

_I walk over, trailing behind Lilly, to where Duncan is standing with another boy, Logan. He’s tall and skinny with light brown hair, and he’s staring right at me._

“Hello? Logan? You in there?” 

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just distracted, that’s all,” _he says, still staring at me._

“Okay, well. Logan, this is Veronica.” 

_He seems nice, but there’s definitely an underlying darkness, and I’m gonna find it._

“Hi!” 

“Hi.” 

_I smile, he smiles back, that’s when I look up at him, really look at him. His smile is warm and sweet, but there’s a hidden layer of snark and sarcasm. He’s obviously confident, but not arrogantly. His eyes are what I notice last, his eyes. They’re a deep, dark brown, warm and comforting, like a mug of hot chocolate on a snowy day, or a brownie fresh from the oven. He tilts his head slightly, and the light hits his eyes perfectly, illuminating them. They turn gold, they’re practically glowing, warm and bright, like the sun beating down on the soft sand of Dog Beach on a hot summer’s day, or my mom’s favorite necklace catching the light, leaving twinkling reflections across the countertop. I could gaze into them for days, I think I almost do, but Duncan pulls me out of my daydream._

__  
_ _

“Hello, Veronica? Earth to Mars?” 

“Yeah?” 

_Am I blushing? I think I’m blushing. How long was I staring at him for?_

“Ready to go?” 

“Yeah!” 

  
•••  


“When did you fall in love with me?” 

  
•••  


**Logan’s POV**

_It was late August 2000, Duncan’s twelfth birthday party. Jake and Celeste were at some dinner party out of town and weren’t supposed to be home until late the next day, so, naturally, Lilly threw a huge party for Duncan, and Veronica and I were spending the night. It was 11:45 and Veronica was getting ready to start kicking people out and threatening to call her father so that she could take care of her very drunk friends when I decided to make a complete fool of myself. I stripped down to my underwear and climbed up on the roof of the pool house, solo cup in hand._

“I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER!” _I screamed, secretly terrified and trying to encourage myself to jump into the pool._

“LOGAN TAYLOR ECHOLLS!” _I look down to see Veronica fuming,_ “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!” 

_I look into her eyes at the hurricane ravaging her thoughts, on the outside she looked furious, but on the inside she was terrified. I nodded at her, emptied my cup, tossed it to Duncan and started climbing down._

_When I finally reached the ground Veronica was hysterical. She threw herself into my arms, sobbing about how she thought she was going to lose me. I held her as she cried and lowered us so I was seated on the ground with Veronica in my lap. She was mumbling through her tears into my shirt about how I was her best friend and she didn’t want to lose me, how she wouldn’t know how to live without me if I died. I tightened my grip around her, whispering,_ “I’m okay. I’m here. You’re okay. I won’t do it again I promise. I’m not going anywhere,” _over and over, occasionally pressing soft kisses to her forehead. We sat like this for an hour and a half before Lilly and Duncan cleared everyone out and we were able to move upstairs. We’d decided to all sleep in the movie room together and as I fell asleep with Veronica in my arms I wondered how someone so perfect could care so much about someone like me._

**Veronica’s POV**

_It was mid-October 2000 and Logan, Lilly, Duncan and I were having lunch on the quad. Logan and I were sleeping over at Lilly and Duncan’s that night so we were finalizing our plans over Mama Leone’s._

“So,” _Lilly started,_ “come at seven. Veronica, call me when you leave, we’ll order Cho’s. While we eat we’ll play “I’ve Never” and “Truth or Dare.” Then, later, we’ll watch “Ferris Bueller” and “The Breakfast Club” and you, Veronica Mars, will stay awake for the entirety of both movies.” 

_Logan leaned towards me and whispered in my ear,_ “Are you gonna need help staying up?” 

“Yes, please,” _I whisper back, blushing slightly._

_The bell rings signaling the end of lunch._

“I’ll see you tonight!” _Lilly cheers, skipping off to class._

“Bye!” 

**7:05 pm**

_I’m at Lilly and Duncan’s now, Logan and I got settled and now we’re on the couch in the movie room eating and playing “I’ve Never.”_

“Okay, Donut, youngest to oldest!” _Lilly exclaims._

“Um, I’ve never, gotten drunk.” 

_Everyone but me drinks, it’s Logan’s turn._

“I’ve never kissed anyone.” 

_Logan and Lilly drink._

“I’ve never passed out.” 

_Logan and Duncan drink._

“I’ve never,” _Lilly starts, drawing her words out long, effectively inducing anxiety into the rest of us,_ “had a crush on someone in this room.” 

_We all take long slow sip, eyeing each other. I look around, Lilly’s looking at Logan, Duncan stares at the floor before quickly glancing up at me, and then I look at Logan. We make eye contact, his rich, dark eyes gazing into mine, peering into my mind. I’m sure my face is betraying me, revealing my emotions, radiating love, hope, and longing, but then his eyes change, looking sad, he shifts to look at his cup and blush embarrassedly before looking up at Lilly._

**10:15 pm**

_We just finished “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and I’m exhausted._

“Okay, Veronica Mars, one down, one more to go!” _Lilly declared._

_I squeezed Logan’s arm nervously, knowing I wouldn’t make it, but desperate to keep my promise to Lilly._

_Logan leaned down towards my ear and whispered,_ “It’s okay, Ronnie, I’ve got you.” 

_I blushed a deep red and felt my ear burn and my insides melt, but quickly composed myself as Logan handed me a pint of mocha chip ice cream and a spoon._

“Thank you,” _I mouthed back, shyly, hoping that he couldn’t see the lingering blush painted across my cheeks in the dark._

_He walked around the couch to sit next to me as the movie started. I sat through the first twenty minutes easily, but despite the highly caffeinated desert melting slowly in my lap, Logan’s occasional shoulder squeezes, and the shock and pain of Logan snapping the hair elastic around my wrist every five minutes, I had ended up falling asleep on his shoulder halfway through._

**11:52 pm**

_I woke up to the end credits and Logan and Lilly whisper-screaming frantically at each other, and decided to “go back to sleep” so I could eavesdrop._

“Lilly, shut up! I know she didn’t make it to the end like you wanted her to, but you’re going to wake her up!” _Logan._

“Fine! I know, but we can’t just leave her here, we have to come up with a plan!” 

“I already did! You’re going to go upstairs with DK and you’ll both get everything ready for all of us to go to sleep, and then you’ll send Duncan downstairs to say you’re ready, and then you’ll change while I carry Ronnie upstairs and put her in bed.” 

“Someone has to clean up, Logan!” 

“Duncan will.” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay.” 

_While Duncan and Lilly went upstairs, I formulated my own plan. I’ll fake being asleep until after Logan puts me to bed when Lilly “wakes me up” coming out of the bathroom, that way I can change and apologize to her before tomorrow. Suddenly, Logan wraps his arm around me, presses a kiss on top of my head, and rests his head on top of mine, sighing peacefully. What does it all mean? Does he feel the same way?_

“Logan, man, she’s ready.” 

_Logan moves his arm lower on my back and moves his other arm under my knees, lifting me off the couch and gently cradling me to his chest. He freezes as I yawn and stretch my arms up and around his neck, trying to discreetly make it easier for him, he lets out a breath and continues walking, moving up the stairs to Lilly’s room. When we reach Lilly’s bed he gently lowers me down, avoiding the already pulled back covers. He pulls them up over my shoulders and tucks me in tightly. I think he’s about to leave, but then he drops a long, lingering kiss onto my forehead. I feel myself starting to blush again. I think I’m falling for him. This cannot be happening. He’s my best friend! I cannot be falling in love with my best friend! Can I? I think he might feel the same way. That would make it okay, right? But what if he doesn’t? I’m pulled out of my thoughts again by Logan’s whisper._

“Goodnight, Veronica, I love you.” 

_**Oh.** _

  
•••  


_At some point during the conversation we’d moved to the couch and our hands were now linked tightly together. I couldn’t resist anymore and leaned over to kiss him, this continued for several minutes before I stopped it again._

“As much as I want to keep kissing you, and trust me, I really want to keep kissing you, we really need to finish our conversation first.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” _he breathed out, reluctantly._

“If you were in love with me why did you start dating Lilly?” 

  
•••  


**Logan’s POV**

_It’s December 22, 2000, the night of my parent’s annual Christmas party, and Lilly, Duncan, Veronica, and I are in pool house, watching tv and eating pizza._

“Wait! You guys let’s play ‘Truth or dare’,” _Lilly squeals._

_We all agree and start the game, oldest to youngest._

“Logan, truth or dare?” 

“Dare.” 

“Okay, I dare you to kiss me.” 

_I lean over to kiss her. I know where this is going, Lilly wants me, she’s been dropping hints for months. I’m in love with Veronica, no one knows. I’m not good enough for her. Veronica is perfect and innocent and kind. I’m broken and jaded and rude. I could never deserve Veronica, so when Lilly compliments me and takes a long drink of her soda while holding eye contact with me, I play along, winking._

_Yes, I’m in love with Veronica, I don’t know how she feels about me. She’s my best friend and I can’t screw that up. Lilly likes me, Duncan likes Veronica If I date Lilly and Veronica dates Duncan, we can all stay friends. I start plotting, I’ll kiss Lilly on New Year’s Eve._

**New Year’s Eve**

_This is it, my last chance to change my mind. I’m still on the fence. If I kiss Lilly and ask her to be my girlfriend I will never have a shot with Veronica, but I can still have her in my life. If I kiss Veronica and ask her to be my girlfriend, I’ll inevitably screw it up, and she won’t ever talk to me again._

**11:57 pm**

_Now I have to make my decision, Veronica or Lilly? Losing Veronica for good or taking what I can get? Lilly’s been all over me all night, Veronica and I have been sharing longing glances across the room all night. I love Veronica. Which is why I have to let her go._

**10**

_I walk across the room._

**9**

_I stop in front of Veronica._

**8**

_I reach out to caress her cheek, pulling her gaze up to mine._

**7**

_We stare longingly into each other’s eyes._

**6**

_I lean down and kiss her forehead._

**5**

_I walk away slowly, backwards, holding eye contact with her._

**4**

_I stop in front of Lilly._

**3**

_I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her to me, I lean down,_

**2**

_Look into her eyes,_

**1**

_And kiss her._

_**Why did I do that?**_

**Veronica’s POV 11:57 pm**

_I am in love with Logan Echolls. My best friend, who my other best friend has a crush on, and who’s best friend has a crush on me. This is such a mess. I want to be with him but it’s not realistic. Duncan and Lilly would freak. Besides, we’re too different, he’s hot and rich and the son of two movie stars, I’m not hot and middle class and the daughter of the sheriff. I’ve got so much baggage, but his life is perfect. Why would he want me? I’ll keep hoping, there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as I know that nothing can ever happen. But it’s 11:59 and the countdown is starting._

**10**

_Logan walks towards me, I blush and look away._

**9**

_He stops in front of me._

**8**

_He caresses my cheek. I stare at my feet as I feel my cheeks burn hotter and hotter by the millisecond. He lifts my head, pulling my eyes up to his._

**7**

_I pour all of my emotions into this one look, willing him to realize that he should be with me, that I love him._

**6**

_He kisses my forehead._

**5**

_He drops his hand from my face and starts walking backwards. Away. Towards Lilly. He’s still holding eye contact with me. He looks regretful, and apologetic._

**4**

_He stops in front of her._

**3**

_He pulls her towards himself, it feels like he’s squeezing my heart, crushing it to dust._

**2**

_He’s staring hungrily into her eyes._

**1**

_And he kisses her._

_I have to do something to hide the shock and despair written across my features. Veronica Mars does not pine. Without thinking, I turn and pull Duncan down towards me in a kiss. We break apart._

“Will you be my girlfriend?” 

“Yeah.” 

**Logan’s POV**

“Will you be my girlfriend?” 

“Yes.” 

**Third Person POV**

_Over time Veronica learned to love Duncan, and Logan grew to love Lilly, but the passion they felt for each other would never go away, and the spark they felt for their significant others only dimmed the flame they held for each other._

  
•••  


**Logan’s POV**

_At some point we’d moved over to the couch, our hands clasped tightly together, her head resting on my shoulder, with mine on top of hers. We’re both staring off into space silently, lost in our own thoughts, contemplating everything that had been said. This was difficult, but we both know we’re not done, and it’s about to get a lot harder._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo... there's chapter 6 (to you, 4 to me, because of the prologue and that little half chapter I uploaded last week-ish), I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think. Also, I think I finally figured out what I want to do with the story, before now I was kinda just going with the flow based on my mood in the moment, but I have an idea, and hopefully soon I'll have a legitimate plan! Oops. There might be a sequel, it could even become a trilogy! But I'm not gonna give anything away yet because this is my first multi chapter fic (actually it's also my first non-song fic, too, so) and I'm not sure how motivated I'll be after I finish this one. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!!! I really really think I'll finish this one, I just might not right a sequel or a third book (is there a word for that? triquel? that sounds dumb...), but even if I don't I'll probably write a few one shots in the same universe because I really want to explore how certain scenes would change if this was how the show was written. Heads up, I probably won't be able to upload for a couple weeks probably because I have a bunch of online work to catch up on. Anyway, I'm gonna go, talk to you later, sooner if you check out my Tumblr (also @logandeservedbetter) because I post updates on there pretty frequently. So byyyyyyeee! Love y'all, thank you or all the support! *blows kisses*


	7. Only You: Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Veronica continue their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! There will be real notes and updates at the end but I wanted to pop on up here and say that I hope you enjoy and I hope you're having a nice day! *blows kisses*
> 
> P.S. Shameful Self Plug: If you want to get updates before everyone else go to my Tumblr page (under the same username). 
> 
> P.P.S. I hate doing that, but it's really the easiest way for me to update y'all on the chapters as I'm writing them, sorry.
> 
> \- Bea

**Third Person POV**

“Veronica?” 

“Yeah?” 

“What about Duncan?” 

“What _about_ Duncan?” 

“Why did he break up with you? Do you even know? Are you still in love with him?” 

“Logan,” _she sighs and glances off, contemplating her answer,_ “I can’t tell you why Duncan and I broke up, but I can tell you that it was out of our hands, we had no control over the situation.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

_He turns, looking away from her, his eyes sad._

“But, Logan, I don’t love him anymore.” 

_His demeanor shifts almost completely, he turns back towards Veronica, eyes glowing with hope, radiating love and adoration, a Cheshire Cat-grin spreading across his face._

“Logan, Duncan and I dated for almost two years, and before that, we were friends. I’ll always care about him, but I don’t love him anymore. Maybe I never did, maybe I just desperately wanted to move on from you. Either way, however I felt about him, it’s over, for good. It’s you I love, Logan, only you.” 

_Veronica lights up, seeing the look on Logan’s face, and knowing him well enough to recognize the hope and relief trying to hide behind his smile, grabs his face and presses a reassuring kiss onto his lips._

“I love you, too, Veronica,” _Logan whispers, going back in for another kiss._

_This kiss was longer, more tender and less desperate. The kiss before was quick and stemmed from Logan’s need for reassurance. This kiss is long and drawn out, with Logan and Veronica both pouring their emotions into each other, letting their actions convey what they were too afraid to say out loud. They lingered for a few minutes longer, before Veronica finally broke their contact, desperate for air._

“We, uh, still have a lot to talk about, and I want to get it all over and done with before we go to sleep,” _she breathed, face flushed._

“Yeah, that’s probably best. What’s next?” 

_She sighs, reluctantly, before admitting their next topic of conversation._

“Lilly.” 

  
•••  


**October 3, 2003**

**Veronica’s POV**

“What happened? Duncan, what happened? Where’s Lilly? Duncan, talk to me, please.” 

_Something’s wrong. I have to find Lilly. Which way did Dad go? Surely he knows. There he is, by the pool, with Lamb, Jake, and Celeste. Before I can wonder what’s going on, my adrenaline has taken over and I’m running towards them. As I get closer, I see someone else, just their legs, Dad crouched down beside them. Lilly. No._

_I gasp,_ “Oh, my God.” 

_Dad stands up and wraps his arms around me. I’m trembling, I can barely stand, my body can’t carry the weight of this. There’s so much blood. Lilly. No._

“Sacks! Hey, Sacks, come here. Could you drive Veronica home for me? Thanks.” _He presses a kiss to my head and squeezes me firmly one last time before letting go._

_My head is spinning. Disturbance. Duncan. Lilly. Blood. Home. Lilly. Duncan. Lilly. Blood. Duncan. Lilly. Logan._

**_Logan._ **

_That snaps me out of it._ “Dad, no!” 

“Veronica, I don’t want you here, I don’t want you to have to deal with this right now. Go home. I love you. I’m sorry.” 

“Dad, no! What about Logan? Someone has to tell Logan!” 

“Veronica, I’ll take care of it. Go home.” 

“No, Dad, let me go to Logan’s. One of us should tell him, break it to him gently, he’ll take it better.” 

_The tears pouring down my face have slowed to a steady stream, mellowed by the need to take care of my friends winning out over the desire to wallow by myself._

“Veronica, are you sure?” 

“Yes, Dad.” 

“Okay, call me when you need to be picked up, I love you.” _He presses another kiss to my forehead and hugs me again, then nods at Sacks._

_The drive is short but it feels like hours before we pull into the driveway. Mrs. Echolls meets me at the door and pulls me into a hug, Dad must’ve called her._

“He’s in his room, Honey.” 

**Logan’s POV**

_Someone knocks at my door, softly, almost timidly. Veronica?_

“Come in.” 

_She opens the door, I look up at her, smiling, I feel like I haven’t seen her in forever. She’s crying, and her arms are wrapped tightly around her tiny, shaking frame._

“Veronica? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

_She slowly walks over and sits on my bed, resting her head on my shoulder. After a minute or two of silence, she collapses into me, breaking, the sobs shaking her body, like an earthquake shakes the ground._

“Veronica, what happened? Is everything okay?” 

_I asked quietly, gently, wrapping my arms tightly around her._

“No,” _she cries,_ “Lilly, blood. Logan, there was so much blood.” 

“It’s Lilly? Veronica, what happened to Lilly?” _I ask firmly, burying my anxiety._

“Logan, she’s gone. Lilly’s gone. So much blood.” 

_No. Lilly. No. Not Lilly. No._

_I clear my throat, desperate to get the words out. I have to know._

“Veronica?” _I force out,_ “Is Lilly dead?” 

“Yes.” 

_No. Lilly. She can’t be. No._

“What?” _I manage to choke out._

“She’s gone. She’s just gone. How can she just be gone? We’ll never see her again,” _Veronica cries._

“What happened?” _I whisper, I’m crying now, my hands are shaking, but still holding Veronica, my knuckles are white from clutching her like she’s the only thing keeping me alive._

“Um, I don’t really know. Dad and I were out getting dinner and on the way back a call came in saying there was a ‘disturbance’ at their house? We drove there, he told me to wait in the car, but I saw Duncan and everything just felt wrong. I ran up to him, he didn’t even look at me, just kept looking between his hands and the street, rocking back and forth. Um, I asked him what was wrong and where Lilly was, and he looked up at me and started crying, but still didn’t say anything, so I went to find her. I saw Dad by the pool with Mr. and Mrs. Kane and one of the deputies, I went to ask Dad what was wrong, but then I saw Lilly lying by the pool. God, Logan, there was so much blood.” 

“Oh, God. Do you think it was an accident?” 

“No.” 

“Someone killed her?” 

“I guess so? Who would want to kill Lilly? Why would someone want to kill Lilly?” 

“I don’t know.” 

_We laid like that for hours, drifting in and out of sleep, identical tear streaks marking our faces, before Mr. Mars came to pick Veronica up and take her home._

  
•••  


_Veronica and I hung out a lot that week. The only people in the world who understood how we felt were us. Duncan was closer to her and the rest of our classmates barely knew her. They called themselves her friends, but they weren’t there for the broken bones, ER visits, colds, pregnancy scares, late nights getting drunk while Jake and Celeste were out of town, after parties, or sleepovers. They weren’t there for the small moments or the big moments, only the in between. They’d never seen her cry, they’d never seen her laugh, not really. She was a completely different person when she was alone with the Fab Four. Veronica, Duncan and I had two Lillys to mourn, everyone else only had one._

_Veronica and I laid on the couch in the same position we had all those months ago, mourning our friend, holding each other while we cried, and contemplating our treatment of each other over the past year._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! I hope you all enjoyed! So, updates on future chapters: Only You isn't over. I thought it would be but clearly their conversation isn't over so there'll be at least one more part. Also, once I finish Only You, I'm taking a break to get ahead on chapters. I HATE writing them as they come out, I'd rather be at least one ahead so I can have a somewhat consistent uploading schedule. Sorry. *shrugs* Anyway, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! I hope you have a good rest of your day. I love all of you and I will talk to you in the next chapter (or on Tumblr). Bye! *blows kisses*
> 
> P.S. I'm trying out a new pen name so...
> 
> \- Bea


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